Pork Chop II: Rise of the Rind (2011)

Some films are worth watching based on their titles alone. 2008’s GINGERDEAD MAN 2: PASSION OF THE CRUST immediately comes to mind, and now I can add PORK CHOP II: RISE OF THE RIND to this very prestigious list. PORK CHOP 2 is the follow up to 2010’s PORK CHOP, which are both written and directed by Eamon Hardiman (who also wrote and directed ZOMBIE BABIES, my review here). This man’s a machine!! To appreciate this film ya gotta understand what you’re getting into. Hardiman’s three films combined costed an estimated $13,000. That’s not even the toilet paper budget on Tom Cruises’ last film (I’m guessing, because it was so shitty)!! But the point is that these are very low budget, guerrilla-style films that are shot on micro-budgets in which a few people are wearing a lot of different hats to keep the production costs down. If you know this and understand you’re not getting any Academy Award-winning performances or f/x, then you’ll be able to have a good time.

Our stars, Simon & Meg (Sam Qualiana & Angela Pritchett)

PORK CHOP II: RISE OF THE RIND begins with a bang … well actually its more of a lick. We follow two lesbian hitchhikers (Lauren Landers and Elle Xohmbeah) as they frolic into the woods for a little ‘down’ time (get it, get it?). In the middle of their tryst good old Pork Chop comes by and instead of sitting back and rubbing one out of his lil porklette, he immediately kills both girls in pretty gruesome and yummy ways (apparently you can die from eating too much pussy). This was a very promising opening. We get lesbians, full frontal nudity, gory deaths, and those deaths were essentially hate crimes. Nice!! After this we then meet the main cast and the film never really seems to match the energy of the gore, violence, and fun of the opening.

Little tribute to CANNIBAL HOLOCAUST, maybe??

Now we meet Simon (Sam Qualiana) and his family as they are moving to West Virginia. Simon is an awkward ‘teen’ who looks to be about 25-26 years old. He immediately befriends the local self-professed weirdo Meg (Angela Pritchett), who tells him about the legend of Pork Chop. Meg is obsessed with the killer Pork Chop and provides us with the details of his origin. She also doesn’t think that ‘ole Pork Chop is done killing yet. She takes Simon around to all the various Pork Chop monuments and along the way they run into Burt (Brian Gunnoe) and Teddy (Bill Hairston), a very large and effeminate black man. These two are the self-designated protectors of the woods against Pork Chop (and boy do they do a bang up job), and also provide some of the funnier moments on screen. Simon’s parents need to go outta town so he and Meg decide to throw a party. They invite the popular, cool kids (i.e., douchey kids) and are expecting to have a great time. But Pork Chop crashes this shindig and screws up everyone’s plans (and life-expectancies).

You know I couldn’t forget about the girls!!

Do I really need to write about the low budget here? I mean come on; the film cost $5,000 to make!! The filming is rather shaky in places, the sound is downright terrible in many spots (early on there’s a banjo playing on the soundtrack that completely drowns out the dialogue), and there’s more plot holes here than scared kids at a Penn State football camp (too soon?)!! But this is also a lot of fun. It’s obvious that the cast and crew had a fun time making this film and even in the slower moments there’s an energy from everyone involved that just makes this one enjoyable. The acting, on the other hand, really surprised me. For a micro-budgeted horror flick the cast did a nice job. The performances that were over-the-top (Gunnoe’s and Shawn C. Phillip’s characters) were supposed to be that way. But best of all is that we get to see indie horror queen Kaylee Williams naked. Don’t mean to be a perv, but yowza!! Williams was also in ZOMBIE BABIES and she has this very innocent yet dangerous look about her. She’s gorgeous and now that she’s getting in more and more films I’m guessing her nude scenes will be vanishing. All I’m saying is to take advantage of being able to see this beauty au naturale.

Pork Chop is all stabby & stuff …

There’s a fun little twist at the end and no character (I mean no character) is safe from Pork Chop’s wrath. The most disappointing thing about PORK CHOP II: RISE OF THE RIND is that it fizzles out after the opening scene with the lesbian hitchhikers and never regains that momentum later in the film. If all of PORK CHOP 2 was as kick ass as the opening then we’d really have something here!! But worry not because Hardiman is currently in post-production with PORK CHOP 3D!! Sure, why not … I’ll take a third helping of pork!! Recommended.

PORK CHOP II: RISE OF THE RIND hits the street on September 25, 2012 from Independent Entertainment.

My Summary:

Director: Eamon Hardiman

Plot: 2.5 out of 5 stars

Gore: 5.5 out of 10 skulls

Zombie Mayhem: 0 out of 5 brains

Reviewed by Scott Shoyer